Caught My Beau Texting Another Chick, POPSUGAR Love – Hookup
Caught My Beau Texting Another Dame
This question is from a Group Therapy post in our community. Add your advice in the comments!
I’m in a committed relationship with my beau of one year. We live together and recently moved into a fresh place. Our relationship, like most, commenced out good. He made me feel like the most special doll and like he only had eyes for me. In turn, I have been one hundred percent faithful to him. He spent a month and a half in jail, and I waited for him, even at the beginning of our relationship. I am crazy about him and love him very much.
Of course, we have our troubles, but in latest times, things have gotten worse. His trust for me has diminished for no apparent reason. He will literally, out of nowhere, come at me with crazy accusations of cheating and being unfaithful (talking to guys, "lounging" about where I am, etc.) — typical insecure stud behavior. But I’ve experienced this type of thing time and time again with guys and almost every time I have been correct. When a man accuses you of cheating for no good reason, usually he is the one who is guilty. I am fully aware of this, in fact, it has a name: projection. It means, when someone has guilty feelings about something, they put them — in other words, "project" them — onto someone else in order to take the concentrate off themselves and put it on another. Evidently, this is a definite trait in narcissistic dudes, and I fear lately that maybe my beau is a narcissist.
I catch him in strange, petite lies. I feel he has developed an ego. Like this evening, he left to go to the store. He left his phone on the counter. I’ve had trust issues with him in the past and have caught him talking inappropriately to other ladies before, so I couldn’t help myself. I snooped. I’m sure a lot of damsels can relate to this — we know it’s wrong to snoop, but a women’s intuition usually never lies. When we get a feeling something is up, it usually is. So sure enough, I found a text from him to a damsel. A name was not saved in his phone, just a number. He said, "Hey stunner, left behind to give you the fresh number, so this is it. It’s that sexy boy [his name]."
I automatically got truly upset. I have been kicking off to think things have been better with us, and I felt as tho’ we were moving forward. Turns out I was wrong. Basically, my problem is that I feel it is wrong for a fucking partner to call someone else "stunner" or "baby," especially if that is the name they use for their beau or gf, as it is for us. My beau calls me stunner; I’m supposed to be his honey. So of course, it was indeed hurtful to see him say it to someone else. It made me feel like he doesn’t only have eyes for me, and I certainly don’t feel special anymore.
I confronted him when he got home, and he instantly went into defensive mode. He turned it all around on me and acted like he was mad at me because I snooped. Even tho’ I had found something incriminating on his part, somehow I was still in the wrong. I told him I looked because I had a bad feeling he was hiding something. Obviously he wouldn’t want me watching what he said to the female. I told him how it made me feel, how it is going to be much firmer to trust him, and how it makes me look like a finish idiot to this damsel who knows he has a gf. He stuck to his guns and he is still acting angry with me. I feel as tho’ he could possibly be a narcissist because I do not feel as tho’ he can ever put himself in my footwear and truly feel compassion or empathy or truly understand how his deeds negatively affected my emotions.
A few months ago, a fellow I worked with texted me and called me honey. My beau flipped, and it took forever for him to let it go and it wasn’t even me telling it! He twists everything around to be my fault, no matter if he is in the wrong or not. Most of the time when we argue, he will get mad and menace to leave or say, "Well, why don’t you just break up with me then? I know you want to!" It’s hard for me because I truly want this to work out, and violating up is the last thing I want to do. He uses the "I know how you indeed feel" lines on me and often attempts to imply that I don’t care. When the truth is, I feel that it is him who doesn’t! I care very much and display him often. I truly need some advice on how to deal with this type of an issue and this type of a man. Can anyone relate? Please let me know. Any advice is appreciated — thanks.