9 Things All People in Long-Distance Relationships Know to Be True

9 Things All People in Long-Distance Relationships Know to Be True

Leah, 25, from Arizona, was hesitant when she very first began developing feelings for Stephen, a 22-year-old from Northern Ireland she met on the photo-sharing app Fling. Long-distance relationships are hard, she knew, and she worried that she would hold him back in his everyday life. But they determined to give it a attempt, and six months later, they're still going strong.

Online dating and implements like FaceTime and Skype, not to mention a harsh job market  that compels people to stir more, have made long-distance relationships more common than ever. The U.S. Census Bureau estimates that Trio.6 million married Americans are living apart (a 40% increase since 1999), and the former Center for the Explore of Long Distance Relationships puts the number of college students in LDRs  at Four.Four million.

For couples like Leah and Stephen, it can indeed work. "The thickest positive surprise has been that we have made this work for so long already," Leah told  Mic , "and that I have discovered what love truly is."

It sounds cheesy, but it's true: The challenges of LDRs end up exposing what indeed matters in a relationship, long-distance or otherwise. Here are the things you learn after living with your love hundreds of miles away.

1. Spending time pursuing your own interests is good for the relationship.

Less time spent stringing up with your significant other creates more time to devote to your own life — and that's good for both of you. Laura, Legal, from British Columbia, told Mic that she and her bf of ten months, who lives in Washington, are always supportive when one has plans with friends or isn't available to call for a duo of days. Rather than causing them to drift apart, leading their own lives has had a positive influence. "Otherwise, you dwell on the fact that you aren't together," she said.

Having separate lives also prevents couples from forming an unhealthy codependency. "The more independent the fucking partners, and the more comfy they are sharing and depending on each other, the better the relationship," Suzanne Phillips, a psychologist and professor at Long Island University, told Mic .

Plus, not feeling bitter at your S.O. for limiting you will make you more satisfied with your fucking partner. "Home alone with the cat? You're not going to feel so good," Phillips noted.

Two. Sweating the petite stuff just isn't significant.

When you're living with someone or eyeing them every day, minor annoyances — his constant mess, her penchant for eating the last of the cereal — can lightly turn into fights. But couples in LDRs may detect that those "quirks" aren't worth the argument. When you have so little time together, fairly frankly, who cares?  

Ryan said he and Louise used to fight a bit when they lived together, but after spending so much time apart, they've learned to let the little things slide. "What's good to me about that this is that it doesn't just seem to be during the 'honeymoon' period when we very first see each other again," he said. "Over the summer, I've come home for almost four months, and at the end of that time we were still doing indeed well." 

Research confirms that "letting go" is the healthiest response. In a two thousand eleven investigate, couples who were found to recover more lightly from conflicts reported higher relationship satisfaction.

Trio. You can't take your playmate for granted.

Since they don't have the luxury of getting too used to each other, long-distance couples often have an edge when it comes to voicing their love for each other, said Phillips.

"There's a tendency not only to take each other for granted, but to not even make eye contact if you're living side by side. We compare them with long-distance folks, who are riveted on Skype," she told  Mic . "Long-distance folks tend to affirm more, 'I miss you, I love you, I heard this story and I've been waiting to tell you.' That affirmation . that's the thing that keeps the romance going."

Ryan and his gf, Louise, both 24, are high school sweethearts who  have both   blogged about  their Rhode Island-to-Michigan LDR of more than two years, and they say they make a point to communicate their commitment to each other. "Around once a week, I attempt to sincerely tell her that she means the world to me, that she's the best thing in my life, and that even however we don't get to spend much time together I still want to share my life with her," Ryan told  Mic . 

Four. Good communication takes actual work.

Different time zones and busy schedules can make it difficult to find the time to talk about even the highlights of the day, much less serious issues and concerns. So long-distance couples, perhaps more than anyone, understand that in order to maintain open and fair communication, both parties need to put in effort. In fact, a two thousand thirteen explore found that since LDR couples "attempt firmer than geographically close couples in communicating affection and closeness," they actually grow closer. 

"People love differently, and I think the most significant thing is to voice if you're feeling disconnected," Anita Chlipala, a licensed marriage and family therapist from Chicago, told Mic . 

Stephen told Mic that the only rule he and his S.O. ever made for themselves was to communicate honestly with each other, no matter what they're feeling. "It has been amazingly hard at times, but we always manage to make it work, and after talking about what is bothering us, we come out stronger," he said.

Five. Hookup doesn't have to be physical to be hot.

By getting a little creative (and exercising communication abilities), long-distance couples can create a lovemaking life that tides them over until the next visit. A Queen's University examine of both local and long-distance couples found that the LDR pairs were actually better at communicating about lovemaking, which in turn builds closeness and relationship satisfaction.

Leenah, 20, from Florida, has spent about nine months apart from her bf, who goes to school in Maine. She told Mic that while the distance was sexually frustrating at very first, they learned to become more expressive about their desires, leading to a more satisfying hook-up life. "We often discuss fetishes, ideas, fantasies, and we like to go online and look at fucktoys together so we can order them and use them when we see each other," she said. "Of course, phone lovemaking and similar activities can't hurt."

6. The relationship won't last if you don't trust your playmate.

Your gf said she'd call by two p.m. and it's three p.m. now – are you relaxed or panicked? The capability to trust that she's just running late and not, say, having an affair with a co-worker is absolutely required when you simply aren't able to check on your fucking partner's whereabouts all day, every day.

Before becoming long-distance, Leenah said she and her bf would each grow paranoid if they weren't in contact 100% of the time. But the distance has trained them the importance of providing one another space. "We text a lot," she said, "[but] we are not paranoid if the other person doesn't instantaneously reply or if we take a while off from texting to be by ourselves."

Being overly suspicious of your playmate can also drive them away. "If the connection is an interrogation rather than an update, we don't have anything fine going on," Phillips said. "Negativity, mistrust, constant interrogation and bombardment with emails and texts is not love-making. It becomes work." Indeed, couples with high levels of trust have more staying power. Research by Northwestern University found that among couples who trusted each other, memories of past transgressions actually got "rosier" over time and mattered less.

7. Planning out your future is necessary, not scary.

How many times have we been warned not to ask where the relationship is going  too soon ? That thinking is truly misguided for LDRs, said Kelley O'Gorman, a couples therapist from Portland. "Before anybody takes off, what's most significant is that they have the same expectations – talking about it, setting up boundaries and rules at very first," she told Mic. "If you don't begin out strong, you're most likely not going to end up strong."

When couples have an "end date" for their time apart and clear guidelines for what they'll each need to feel secure in the relationship (Will one of you stir in six months? Will FaceTime talks suffice for a year?) it eases anxiety. And if talks of the future weirdo you out, well, that's just as tellingly significant.

8. Texting is OK, but actual talking is even better.

There's only so much an emoji can communicate. It takes a real phone call or movie talk to have the in-depth conversations true proximity requires.

"Even tho’ technology has advanced, our neurology hasn't switched. We still need to see each other's eyes and expressions and hear each other's voices in order to feel emotionally connected," Claire Hatch, a marriage counselor from Washington, told Mic .

Interestingly, research has indicated that frequent texting  impacts  women differently than boys. Women were found to practice less relationship satisfaction when texting is used to apologize, lodge disagreements and make decisions. Studs, on the other arm, indicated lower relationship satisfaction when there was simply too much texting. The point: Texting doesn't work the same for everyone, meaning it can't substitute the bonding intimity of true, face-to-face communication.

9. Ultimately, distance doesn't predict the success of a relationship.

It's hard for friends and family (and even you) to feel optimistic about your long-distance relationship when the conventional wisdom says that LDRs just don't work . But growing research suggests that's simply not true. A two thousand thirteen investigate by City University of Hong Kong discovered that long-distance couples reported feeling emotionally closer to their playmates than local couples did. "If being geographically apart is unpreventable, people should not despair," said researcher Crystal Jiang.

It might not work for everyone. But Louise, for one, believes the distance has helped her become more compromising, less stubborn and more appreciative of Ryan's thoughtful nature. "Now, I don't feel the need to always fight about the little things. We can stir past things and laugh more," she told Mic . "Distance indeed does make the heart grow fonder and smarter."

9 Things All People in Long-Distance Relationships Know to Be True

9 Things All People in Long-Distance Relationships Know to Be True

Leah, 25, from Arizona, was hesitant when she very first began developing feelings for Stephen, a 22-year-old from Northern Ireland she met on the photo-sharing app Fling. Long-distance relationships are hard, she knew, and she worried that she would hold him back in his everyday life. But they determined to give it a attempt, and six months later, they're still going strong.

Online dating and implements like FaceTime and Skype, not to mention a rough job market  that coerces people to budge more, have made long-distance relationships more common than ever. The U.S. Census Bureau estimates that Trio.6 million married Americans are living apart (a 40% increase since 1999), and the former Center for the Investigate of Long Distance Relationships puts the number of college students in LDRs  at Four.Four million.

For couples like Leah and Stephen, it can indeed work. "The largest positive surprise has been that we have made this work for so long already," Leah told  Mic , "and that I have discovered what love indeed is."

It sounds cheesy, but it's true: The challenges of LDRs end up exposing what truly matters in a relationship, long-distance or otherwise. Here are the things you learn after living with your love hundreds of miles away.

1. Spending time pursuing your own interests is good for the relationship.

Less time spent dangling with your significant other creates more time to devote to your own life — and that's good for both of you. Laura, Legitimate, from British Columbia, told Mic that she and her bf of ten months, who lives in Washington, are always supportive when one has plans with friends or isn't available to call for a duo of days. Rather than causing them to drift apart, leading their own lives has had a positive influence. "Otherwise, you dwell on the fact that you aren't together," she said.

Having separate lives also prevents couples from forming an unhealthy codependency. "The more independent the playmates, and the more convenient they are sharing and depending on each other, the better the relationship," Suzanne Phillips, a psychologist and professor at Long Island University, told Mic .

Plus, not feeling bitter at your S.O. for limiting you will make you more satisfied with your playmate. "Home alone with the cat? You're not going to feel so superb," Phillips noted.

Two. Sweating the petite stuff just isn't significant.

When you're living with someone or observing them every day, minor annoyances — his constant mess, her penchant for eating the last of the cereal — can lightly turn into fights. But couples in LDRs may detect that those "quirks" aren't worth the argument. When you have so little time together, fairly frankly, who cares?  

Ryan said he and Louise used to fight a bit when they lived together, but after spending so much time apart, they've learned to let the little things slide. "What's superb to me about that this is that it doesn't just seem to be during the 'honeymoon' period when we very first see each other again," he said. "Over the summer, I've come home for almost four months, and at the end of that time we were still doing indeed well." 

Research confirms that "letting go" is the healthiest response. In a two thousand eleven probe, couples who were found to recover more lightly from conflicts reported higher relationship satisfaction.

Three. You can't take your playmate for granted.

Since they don't have the luxury of getting too used to each other, long-distance couples often have an edge when it comes to voicing their love for each other, said Phillips.

"There's a tendency not only to take each other for granted, but to not even make eye contact if you're living side by side. We compare them with long-distance folks, who are riveted on Skype," she told  Mic . "Long-distance folks tend to affirm more, 'I miss you, I love you, I heard this story and I've been waiting to tell you.' That affirmation . that's the thing that keeps the romance going."

Ryan and his gf, Louise, both 24, are high school sweethearts who  have both   blogged about  their Rhode Island-to-Michigan LDR of more than two years, and they say they make a point to communicate their commitment to each other. "Around once a week, I attempt to sincerely tell her that she means the world to me, that she's the best thing in my life, and that even however we don't get to spend much time together I still want to share my life with her," Ryan told  Mic . 

Four. Good communication takes actual work.

Different time zones and busy schedules can make it difficult to find the time to talk about even the highlights of the day, much less serious issues and concerns. So long-distance couples, perhaps more than anyone, understand that in order to maintain open and fair communication, both parties need to put in effort. In fact, a two thousand thirteen examine found that since LDR couples "attempt firmer than geographically close couples in communicating affection and closeness," they actually grow closer. 

"People love differently, and I think the most significant thing is to voice if you're feeling disconnected," Anita Chlipala, a licensed marriage and family therapist from Chicago, told Mic . 

Stephen told Mic that the only rule he and his S.O. ever made for themselves was to communicate honestly with each other, no matter what they're feeling. "It has been amazingly hard at times, but we always manage to make it work, and after talking about what is bothering us, we come out stronger," he said.

Five. Hookup doesn't have to be physical to be hot.

By getting a little creative (and exercising communication abilities), long-distance couples can create a hookup life that tides them over until the next visit. A Queen's University investigate of both local and long-distance couples found that the LDR pairs were actually better at communicating about hookup, which in turn builds proximity and relationship satisfaction.

Leenah, 20, from Florida, has spent about nine months apart from her beau, who goes to school in Maine. She told Mic that while the distance was sexually frustrating at very first, they learned to become more expressive about their desires, leading to a more satisfying hookup life. "We often discuss fetishes, ideas, fantasies, and we like to go online and look at fucktoys together so we can order them and use them when we see each other," she said. "Of course, phone lovemaking and similar activities can't hurt."

6. The relationship won't last if you don't trust your playmate.

Your gf said she'd call by two p.m. and it's three p.m. now – are you relaxed or panicked? The capability to trust that she's just running late and not, say, having an affair with a co-worker is absolutely required when you simply aren't able to check on your playmate's whereabouts all day, every day.

Before becoming long-distance, Leenah said she and her bf would each grow paranoid if they weren't in contact 100% of the time. But the distance has trained them the importance of providing one another space. "We text a lot," she said, "[but] we are not paranoid if the other person doesn't instantly reply or if we take a while off from texting to be by ourselves."

Being overly suspicious of your playmate can also drive them away. "If the connection is an interrogation rather than an update, we don't have anything fine going on," Phillips said. "Negativity, mistrust, constant interrogation and bombardment with emails and texts is not love-making. It becomes work." Indeed, couples with high levels of trust have more staying power. Research by Northwestern University found that among couples who trusted each other, memories of past transgressions actually got "rosier" over time and mattered less.

7. Planning out your future is necessary, not scary.

How many times have we been warned not to ask where the relationship is going  too soon ? That thinking is truly misguided for LDRs, said Kelley O'Gorman, a couples therapist from Portland. "Before anybody takes off, what's most significant is that they have the same expectations – talking about it, setting up boundaries and rules at very first," she told Mic. "If you don't commence out strong, you're most likely not going to end up strong."

When couples have an "end date" for their time apart and clear guidelines for what they'll each need to feel secure in the relationship (Will one of you budge in six months? Will FaceTime talks suffice for a year?) it eases anxiety. And if talks of the future pervert you out, well, that's just as tellingly significant.

8. Texting is OK, but actual talking is even better.

There's only so much an emoji can communicate. It takes a real phone call or movie talk to have the in-depth conversations true intimity requires.

"Even tho’ technology has advanced, our neurology hasn't switched. We still need to see each other's eyes and expressions and hear each other's voices in order to feel emotionally connected," Claire Hatch, a marriage counselor from Washington, told Mic .

Interestingly, research has indicated that frequent texting  impacts  women differently than boys. Women were found to practice less relationship satisfaction when texting is used to apologize, lodge disagreements and make decisions. Boys, on the other mitt, indicated lower relationship satisfaction when there was simply too much texting. The point: Texting doesn't work the same for everyone, meaning it can't substitute the bonding proximity of true, face-to-face communication.

9. Ultimately, distance doesn't predict the success of a relationship.

It's hard for friends and family (and even you) to feel optimistic about your long-distance relationship when the conventional wisdom says that LDRs just don't work . But growing research suggests that's simply not true. A two thousand thirteen investigate by City University of Hong Kong discovered that long-distance couples reported feeling emotionally closer to their fucking partners than local couples did. "If being geographically apart is unavoidable, people should not despair," said researcher Crystal Jiang.

It might not work for everyone. But Louise, for one, believes the distance has helped her become more compromising, less stubborn and more appreciative of Ryan's thoughtful nature. "Now, I don't feel the need to always fight about the little things. We can budge past things and laugh more," she told Mic . "Distance truly does make the heart grow fonder and smarter."

9 Things All People in Long-Distance Relationships Know to Be True

9 Things All People in Long-Distance Relationships Know to Be True

Leah, 25, from Arizona, was hesitant when she very first began developing feelings for Stephen, a 22-year-old from Northern Ireland she met on the photo-sharing app Fling. Long-distance relationships are hard, she knew, and she worried that she would hold him back in his everyday life. But they determined to give it a attempt, and six months later, they're still going strong.

Online dating and contraptions like FaceTime and Skype, not to mention a harsh job market  that compels people to stir more, have made long-distance relationships more common than ever. The U.S. Census Bureau estimates that Three.6 million married Americans are living apart (a 40% increase since 1999), and the former Center for the Examine of Long Distance Relationships puts the number of college students in LDRs  at Four.Four million.

For couples like Leah and Stephen, it can truly work. "The largest positive surprise has been that we have made this work for so long already," Leah told  Mic , "and that I have discovered what love truly is."

It sounds cheesy, but it's true: The challenges of LDRs end up exposing what indeed matters in a relationship, long-distance or otherwise. Here are the things you learn after living with your love hundreds of miles away.

1. Spending time pursuing your own interests is good for the relationship.

Less time spent dangling with your significant other creates more time to devote to your own life — and that's good for both of you. Laura, Legal, from British Columbia, told Mic that she and her bf of ten months, who lives in Washington, are always supportive when one has plans with friends or isn't available to call for a duo of days. Rather than causing them to drift apart, leading their own lives has had a positive influence. "Otherwise, you dwell on the fact that you aren't together," she said.

Having separate lives also prevents couples from forming an unhealthy codependency. "The more independent the fucking partners, and the more comfy they are sharing and depending on each other, the better the relationship," Suzanne Phillips, a psychologist and professor at Long Island University, told Mic .

Plus, not feeling bitter at your S.O. for limiting you will make you more satisfied with your playmate. "Home alone with the cat? You're not going to feel so fine," Phillips noted.

Two. Sweating the puny stuff just isn't significant.

When you're living with someone or observing them every day, minor annoyances — his constant mess, her penchant for eating the last of the cereal — can lightly turn into fights. But couples in LDRs may detect that those "quirks" aren't worth the argument. When you have so little time together, fairly frankly, who cares?  

Ryan said he and Louise used to fight a bit when they lived together, but after spending so much time apart, they've learned to let the little things slide. "What's excellent to me about that this is that it doesn't just seem to be during the 'honeymoon' period when we very first see each other again," he said. "Over the summer, I've come home for almost four months, and at the end of that time we were still doing indeed well." 

Research confirms that "letting go" is the healthiest response. In a two thousand eleven explore, couples who were found to recover more lightly from conflicts reported higher relationship satisfaction.

Trio. You can't take your playmate for granted.

Since they don't have the luxury of getting too used to each other, long-distance couples often have an edge when it comes to voicing their love for each other, said Phillips.

"There's a tendency not only to take each other for granted, but to not even make eye contact if you're living side by side. We compare them with long-distance folks, who are riveted on Skype," she told  Mic . "Long-distance folks tend to affirm more, 'I miss you, I love you, I heard this story and I've been waiting to tell you.' That affirmation . that's the thing that keeps the romance going."

Ryan and his gf, Louise, both 24, are high school sweethearts who  have both   blogged about  their Rhode Island-to-Michigan LDR of more than two years, and they say they make a point to communicate their commitment to each other. "Around once a week, I attempt to sincerely tell her that she means the world to me, that she's the best thing in my life, and that even tho’ we don't get to spend much time together I still want to share my life with her," Ryan told  Mic . 

Four. Good communication takes actual work.

Different time zones and busy schedules can make it difficult to find the time to talk about even the highlights of the day, much less serious issues and concerns. So long-distance couples, perhaps more than anyone, understand that in order to maintain open and fair communication, both parties need to put in effort. In fact, a two thousand thirteen examine found that since LDR couples "attempt tighter than geographically close couples in communicating affection and closeness," they actually grow closer. 

"People love differently, and I think the most significant thing is to voice if you're feeling disconnected," Anita Chlipala, a licensed marriage and family therapist from Chicago, told Mic . 

Stephen told Mic that the only rule he and his S.O. ever made for themselves was to communicate honestly with each other, no matter what they're feeling. "It has been amazingly hard at times, but we always manage to make it work, and after talking about what is bothering us, we come out stronger," he said.

Five. Lovemaking doesn't have to be physical to be hot.

By getting a little creative (and exercising communication abilities), long-distance couples can create a lovemaking life that tides them over until the next visit. A Queen's University investigate of both local and long-distance couples found that the LDR pairs were actually better at communicating about hookup, which in turn builds closeness and relationship satisfaction.

Leenah, 20, from Florida, has spent about nine months apart from her beau, who goes to school in Maine. She told Mic that while the distance was sexually frustrating at very first, they learned to become more expressive about their desires, leading to a more satisfying hook-up life. "We often discuss fetishes, ideas, fantasies, and we like to go online and look at fucktoys together so we can order them and use them when we see each other," she said. "Of course, phone hookup and similar activities can't hurt."

6. The relationship won't last if you don't trust your fucking partner.

Your gf said she'd call by two p.m. and it's three p.m. now – are you relaxed or panicked? The capability to trust that she's just running late and not, say, having an affair with a co-worker is absolutely required when you simply aren't able to check on your playmate's whereabouts all day, every day.

Before becoming long-distance, Leenah said she and her bf would each grow paranoid if they weren't in contact 100% of the time. But the distance has instructed them the importance of providing one another space. "We text a lot," she said, "[but] we are not paranoid if the other person doesn't instantly reply or if we take a while off from texting to be by ourselves."

Being overly suspicious of your playmate can also drive them away. "If the connection is an interrogation rather than an update, we don't have anything superb going on," Phillips said. "Negativity, mistrust, constant interrogation and bombardment with emails and texts is not love-making. It becomes work." Indeed, couples with high levels of trust have more staying power. Research by Northwestern University found that among couples who trusted each other, memories of past transgressions actually got "rosier" over time and mattered less.

7. Planning out your future is necessary, not scary.

How many times have we been warned not to ask where the relationship is going  too soon ? That thinking is truly misguided for LDRs, said Kelley O'Gorman, a couples therapist from Portland. "Before anybody takes off, what's most significant is that they have the same expectations – talking about it, setting up boundaries and rules at very first," she told Mic. "If you don't embark out strong, you're very likely not going to end up strong."

When couples have an "end date" for their time apart and clear guidelines for what they'll each need to feel secure in the relationship (Will one of you budge in six months? Will FaceTime talks suffice for a year?) it eases anxiety. And if talks of the future crank you out, well, that's just as tellingly significant.

8. Texting is OK, but actual talking is even better.

There's only so much an emoji can communicate. It takes a real phone call or movie talk to have the in-depth conversations true proximity requires.

"Even however technology has advanced, our neurology hasn't switched. We still need to see each other's eyes and expressions and hear each other's voices in order to feel emotionally connected," Claire Hatch, a marriage counselor from Washington, told Mic .

Interestingly, research has indicated that frequent texting  impacts  women differently than studs. Women were found to practice less relationship satisfaction when texting is used to apologize, lodge disagreements and make decisions. Dudes, on the other forearm, indicated lower relationship satisfaction when there was simply too much texting. The point: Texting doesn't work the same for everyone, meaning it can't substitute the bonding closeness of true, face-to-face communication.

9. Ultimately, distance doesn't predict the success of a relationship.

It's hard for friends and family (and even you) to feel optimistic about your long-distance relationship when the conventional wisdom says that LDRs just don't work . But growing research suggests that's simply not true. A two thousand thirteen probe by City University of Hong Kong discovered that long-distance couples reported feeling emotionally closer to their playmates than local couples did. "If being geographically apart is inescapable, people should not despair," said researcher Crystal Jiang.

It might not work for everyone. But Louise, for one, believes the distance has helped her become more compromising, less stubborn and more appreciative of Ryan's thoughtful nature. "Now, I don't feel the need to always fight about the little things. We can stir past things and laugh more," she told Mic . "Distance indeed does make the heart grow fonder and smarter."

9 Things All People in Long-Distance Relationships Know to Be True

9 Things All People in Long-Distance Relationships Know to Be True

Leah, 25, from Arizona, was hesitant when she very first began developing feelings for Stephen, a 22-year-old from Northern Ireland she met on the photo-sharing app Fling. Long-distance relationships are hard, she knew, and she worried that she would hold him back in his everyday life. But they determined to give it a attempt, and six months later, they're still going strong.

Online dating and devices like FaceTime and Skype, not to mention a raunchy job market  that coerces people to stir more, have made long-distance relationships more common than ever. The U.S. Census Bureau estimates that Three.6 million married Americans are living apart (a 40% increase since 1999), and the former Center for the Examine of Long Distance Relationships puts the number of college students in LDRs  at Four.Four million.

For couples like Leah and Stephen, it can indeed work. "The fattest positive surprise has been that we have made this work for so long already," Leah told  Mic , "and that I have discovered what love truly is."

It sounds cheesy, but it's true: The challenges of LDRs end up exposing what truly matters in a relationship, long-distance or otherwise. Here are the things you learn after living with your love hundreds of miles away.

1. Spending time pursuing your own interests is good for the relationship.

Less time spent suspending with your significant other creates more time to devote to your own life — and that's good for both of you. Laura, Legal, from British Columbia, told Mic that she and her beau of ten months, who lives in Washington, are always supportive when one has plans with friends or isn't available to call for a duo of days. Rather than causing them to drift apart, leading their own lives has had a positive influence. "Otherwise, you dwell on the fact that you aren't together," she said.

Having separate lives also prevents couples from forming an unhealthy codependency. "The more independent the fucking partners, and the more convenient they are sharing and depending on each other, the better the relationship," Suzanne Phillips, a psychologist and professor at Long Island University, told Mic .

Plus, not feeling bitter at your S.O. for limiting you will make you more satisfied with your fucking partner. "Home alone with the cat? You're not going to feel so superb," Phillips noted.

Two. Sweating the puny stuff just isn't significant.

When you're living with someone or observing them every day, minor annoyances — his constant mess, her penchant for eating the last of the cereal — can lightly turn into fights. But couples in LDRs may detect that those "quirks" aren't worth the argument. When you have so little time together, fairly frankly, who cares?  

Ryan said he and Louise used to fight a bit when they lived together, but after spending so much time apart, they've learned to let the little things slide. "What's good to me about that this is that it doesn't just seem to be during the 'honeymoon' period when we very first see each other again," he said. "Over the summer, I've come home for almost four months, and at the end of that time we were still doing truly well." 

Research confirms that "letting go" is the healthiest response. In a two thousand eleven probe, couples who were found to recover more lightly from conflicts reported higher relationship satisfaction.

Trio. You can't take your playmate for granted.

Since they don't have the luxury of getting too used to each other, long-distance couples often have an edge when it comes to voicing their love for each other, said Phillips.

"There's a tendency not only to take each other for granted, but to not even make eye contact if you're living side by side. We compare them with long-distance folks, who are riveted on Skype," she told  Mic . "Long-distance folks tend to affirm more, 'I miss you, I love you, I heard this story and I've been waiting to tell you.' That affirmation . that's the thing that keeps the romance going."

Ryan and his gf, Louise, both 24, are high school sweethearts who  have both   blogged about  their Rhode Island-to-Michigan LDR of more than two years, and they say they make a point to communicate their commitment to each other. "Around once a week, I attempt to sincerely tell her that she means the world to me, that she's the best thing in my life, and that even however we don't get to spend much time together I still want to share my life with her," Ryan told  Mic . 

Four. Good communication takes actual work.

Different time zones and busy schedules can make it difficult to find the time to talk about even the highlights of the day, much less serious issues and concerns. So long-distance couples, perhaps more than anyone, understand that in order to maintain open and fair communication, both parties need to put in effort. In fact, a two thousand thirteen explore found that since LDR couples "attempt stiffer than geographically close couples in communicating affection and intimity," they actually grow closer. 

"People love differently, and I think the most significant thing is to voice if you're feeling disconnected," Anita Chlipala, a licensed marriage and family therapist from Chicago, told Mic . 

Stephen told Mic that the only rule he and his S.O. ever made for themselves was to communicate honestly with each other, no matter what they're feeling. "It has been amazingly hard at times, but we always manage to make it work, and after talking about what is bothering us, we come out stronger," he said.

Five. Hook-up doesn't have to be physical to be hot.

By getting a little creative (and exercising communication abilities), long-distance couples can create a hookup life that tides them over until the next visit. A Queen's University explore of both local and long-distance couples found that the LDR pairs were actually better at communicating about hook-up, which in turn builds closeness and relationship satisfaction.

Leenah, 20, from Florida, has spent about nine months apart from her beau, who goes to school in Maine. She told Mic that while the distance was sexually frustrating at very first, they learned to become more expressive about their desires, leading to a more satisfying hookup life. "We often discuss fetishes, ideas, fantasies, and we like to go online and look at fucktoys together so we can order them and use them when we see each other," she said. "Of course, phone lovemaking and similar activities can't hurt."

6. The relationship won't last if you don't trust your fucking partner.

Your gf said she'd call by two p.m. and it's three p.m. now – are you relaxed or panicked? The capability to trust that she's just running late and not, say, having an affair with a co-worker is absolutely required when you simply aren't able to check on your playmate's whereabouts all day, every day.

Before becoming long-distance, Leenah said she and her bf would each grow paranoid if they weren't in contact 100% of the time. But the distance has trained them the importance of providing one another space. "We text a lot," she said, "[but] we are not paranoid if the other person doesn't instantaneously reply or if we take a while off from texting to be by ourselves."

Being overly suspicious of your playmate can also drive them away. "If the connection is an interrogation rather than an update, we don't have anything superb going on," Phillips said. "Negativity, mistrust, constant interrogation and bombardment with emails and texts is not love-making. It becomes work." Indeed, couples with high levels of trust have more staying power. Research by Northwestern University found that among couples who trusted each other, memories of past transgressions actually got "rosier" over time and mattered less.

7. Planning out your future is necessary, not scary.

How many times have we been warned not to ask where the relationship is going  too soon ? That thinking is truly misguided for LDRs, said Kelley O'Gorman, a couples therapist from Portland. "Before anybody takes off, what's most significant is that they have the same expectations – talking about it, setting up boundaries and rules at very first," she told Mic. "If you don't commence out strong, you're very likely not going to end up strong."

When couples have an "end date" for their time apart and clear guidelines for what they'll each need to feel secure in the relationship (Will one of you budge in six months? Will FaceTime talks suffice for a year?) it eases anxiety. And if talks of the future weirdo you out, well, that's just as tellingly significant.

8. Texting is OK, but actual talking is even better.

There's only so much an emoji can communicate. It takes a real phone call or movie talk to have the in-depth conversations true closeness requires.

"Even tho’ technology has advanced, our neurology hasn't switched. We still need to see each other's eyes and expressions and hear each other's voices in order to feel emotionally connected," Claire Hatch, a marriage counselor from Washington, told Mic .

Interestingly, research has indicated that frequent texting  impacts  women differently than studs. Women were found to practice less relationship satisfaction when texting is used to apologize, lodge disagreements and make decisions. Fellows, on the other palm, indicated lower relationship satisfaction when there was simply too much texting. The point: Texting doesn't work the same for everyone, meaning it can't substitute the bonding intimity of true, face-to-face communication.

9. Ultimately, distance doesn't predict the success of a relationship.

It's hard for friends and family (and even you) to feel optimistic about your long-distance relationship when the conventional wisdom says that LDRs just don't work . But growing research suggests that's simply not true. A two thousand thirteen probe by City University of Hong Kong discovered that long-distance couples reported feeling emotionally closer to their fucking partners than local couples did. "If being geographically apart is unavoidable, people should not despair," said researcher Crystal Jiang.

It might not work for everyone. But Louise, for one, believes the distance has helped her become more compromising, less stubborn and more appreciative of Ryan's thoughtful nature. "Now, I don't feel the need to always fight about the little things. We can stir past things and laugh more," she told Mic . "Distance truly does make the heart grow fonder and smarter."

Related video:

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *