20 Funniest Pickup Lines from Real Patients
20 Funniest Pickup Lines from Real Patients
Nurse pick up line stories are fascinating to read especially those happening in real life. Sometimes, patients get hilariously creative in getting the attention of the nurse they like.
Have you ever experienced hearing funny pick up lines from your patients? Here are some of the funniest pick up line moments collective by different nurses around the US:
1. I had a patient before who underwent penis reconstruction surgery after he experimented with assets piercings in it. On my very first rounds on his bedside:
“Hey I don’t know what you think of me but I hope it’s X-rated.”
I don’t know if I should say he is somehow correct.
Two. My patient once told a joke I couldn’t leave behind.
“Can you guess what thing has one hundred forty eight teeth and holds back the incredible hulk?”
“My zip strip. Are you ready for it?”
Three. I spent a minute listening to my patient’s heartbeat pattern. When I eliminated the stethoscope from his chest, my patient said:
“Have you heard what my heart is telling?”
“So how many times did it say your name?”
He caught me off guard, my face turned crimson!
Four. I’m passing meds to my patients when this end-stage COPD patient made me laugh out noisy. I’m about to assist him with his inhaler when he exclaimed:
“Just in time! The nurse from the previous shift took my breath away.”
I wish that nurse from the previous shift heard it along with the pauses he made just to catch his gasping breath.
Five. I had this insatiable patient who permanently asks me to go out on a date.
“Look, I’m dying here! I need a life! Please lower your standards and go out with me if you want me to get through.”
It sounded real desperation at its finest.
6. When I was a fresh nurse in our unit, I was so naïve that it took me ten minutes to process the conversation I had with my patient:
“Have we met before? You look familiar.”
“No, I’m a freshly floated nurse in this floor.”
“I swear we were in the same class before. We had Chemistry.”
I was puzzled as the patient is ten years older than me, how can I be in the same class with him before? When I left his room I realized what he truly meant, poor me.
7. While switching my patient’s wound dressing, we came up to a little conversation:
“Did you have Anatomy classes when you were still a nursing student?”
“Great! Would you like to examine Human Anatomy furthermore, with me, at my room?”
I thought he was going to ask me to instruct him quick anatomy lessons. Boy that was sneaky!
8. I’m a masculine nurse and I was examining the mitts of my sixty five year old female patient after her relatives complained of unusual redness in her palms.
“Please give me your mitt.”
“I will wholeheartedly give my forearms to you forever, my love.”
I thought nothing of it since the patient had dementia but her niece turned crimson!
9. I am assessing my patient’s Glasgow coma scale. From being stuporous, I was so astonished to see him open his eyes and woke up:
“Oh look, a beautiful angel! I didn’t know I’d be in heaven too swift.”
Maybe I indeed looked like an angel in my white scrub suit.
Ten. Together with our nursing aide, I was preparing a dementia patient to be lifted up higher in her bed. When the nursing aide threw a sheet of blanket over her assets, the little old lady murmured:
“Get your head under there, you know where it’s at.”
11. I was providing a bed bath to an eighty year old masculine patient when he told me:
“I felt it budge! I thought it will never be alive after a decade of peace!”
I hope he wasn’t talking about what I think he was talking about.
12. I did not totally believe in nurse pick up line stories I was hearing from my colleagues. Then I experienced it firsthand from my patient:
“Great! I have a daughter who needs a mom.”
I didn’t see that coming!
13. This adorable twelve year old patient once called my attention and I never leave behind it.
“Excuse me nurse! Do you know how can I be an organ donor?”
“You are too youthful! But if you truly like to, you should talk very first with your parents.”
“Great! I’d like to give my heart to you.”
14. I’m assisting an end-stage COPD patient in getting off his bed when we had this little talk together:
“Is having lovemaking contraindicated to my condition?”
“Will I die if I do it?”
“Then I would be glad to die in bed with you.”
15. I’m assigned to a ninety year old female patient diagnosed with dementia. When turning the patient in her bed, she all of a sudden shouted:
“Come on, just get on top!”
16. After getting my patient’s temperature, who is just a ten year old boy, he said:
“You should get your temperature as well.”
17. I’m switching the diaper of my eighty six year old masculine patient:
“Sir please spread your gams a little bit more.”
“I’m the one who should be asking you that.”
Legal. I’ll always reminisce the brief conversation I had with my very first patient in the correctional facility’s hospital.
“Good morning, I’m Anna and I will be your nurse till the afternoon.”
“Listen, I know I have Chlamydia and herpes down there. But if you want to, I can wrap it!”
Nineteen. During my very first rotation as a student, we were assigned to the geriatric ward. After providing perineal care to an elderly female patient, she said:
“Well now that you got it all cleaned, are you ready for it?”
I attempted my very best to not laugh at it.
20. My patient is a sweet old lady. One night, I was about to drain her urine bag. The lights were off and I did’t want to wake her so I entered calmly and looked for the urine bag hanged underneath her bed.
“It’s just me, your nurse.”
“You don’t have to sneak, you should have asked. I’d love to. Stir over here beside me.”
I was mortified!
Do you know more nurse pick up line stories from your work? Pick up lines from patients can be either creepy or funny. But still, hearing pick up lines from patients is one of the most memorable moments nurses will practice at work. Share your patient pick up line practices with us in our FB page.