Everything You Need To Know About Long-Distance Relationships

Just a few decades ago, if you were in a long-distance relationship and dreamed to talk to your significant other, the only way to do so was to make a call using a phone that was connected to a landline. Meaning, if you wished to talk to one another, you’d actually have to be at home (or find a payphone), which required planning ahead. And if you were dealing with a time difference, you had yet another layer of difficulty to navigate when carving out time to connect.

But thanks to the technology of today, there are innumerable ways to stay and feel connected to your playmate when you’re navigating a long-distance relationship. From tagging each other in funny memes on Instagram to sending photos, texts, FaceTiming and the list goes on, there’s no shortage of platforms and opportunities to be in touch.

However, even with all of the apps and technology available, maintaining a successful long-distance relationship is still no walk in the park. There’s the financial cost of visiting one another — and depending on the distance, it can add up quickly. And if your paid time off policies are less than generous, finding the time to see each other while balancing out work requests can also be draining.

So, why do people do long-distance relationships? Does it ever work out? Are there ways to make it feel lighter? Here’s a look at everything you need to know about long-distance relationships.

Contents

1. Why Do People Do Long-Distance?

Uncommonly do people ever get themselves into long-distance relationships on purpose. Typically, what completes up happening is that couples become victim of circumstance, where one fucking partner finds themselves needing to relocate. "An accidental long-distance relationship example might be a situation where two people are dating early on and out of the blue one of them gets a job promotion requiring him or her to relocate," explains author Kevin Darné;. "Or someone is in the military at a local base and abruptly is notified that she or he will be deployed. Up until that moment things have been going very well inbetween the duo and neither person has a desire to call it quits, so they strive to make a long-distance relationship work. It’s not what they signed up for but they’ll give it a shot."

Another way that long-distance relationships get facilitated is when one person completes up spending a lot of time in a different state or city for either work or leisure, and forms a connection with someone there. "A spontaneous long-distance relationship could occur when one person is visiting another town, state, or country and finishes up spending a good deal of time with a native," Darné; explains. "Oftentimes there is romance and hook-up which contribute to them having a wonderful time together. As the end of the vacation draws near they spontaneously determine to remain in touch and see where things go."

However, there are cases where both parties know that distance will be a factor they have to deal with before embarking the relationship. "In a planned long-distance relationship, one example might be high school sweethearts who, upon graduation have plans to go to different colleges but vow to maintain their relationship until they get their degrees," says Darné. "Another example might be two people who met online fully aware they live fairly far from one another where it’s impractical to see each other on a regular basis, but nevertheless determine to romantically budge forward."

As for how these situations differ in the way these relationships are carried out, Darné; says that it has to do with how long the distance is set to last. "In both the accidental and the spontaneous long-distance relationship scripts, couples view their distance as a romantic obstacle they’re determined to find a way to overcome," says Darné, "In their eyes fate simply dealt them a ‘bad palm.’ The thickest difference inbetween the planned long-distance relationship and the other two is usually there is an end date set for when the duo plans to reunite permanently. Anything beyond one and a half years is usually too long for most couples."

What Real Women Say: "We met on a dating site, so when you don’t set an amount of miles, you’re tied to meet someone long distance," says Eileen, 41. "He was from Maine, an eight hour (or more!) car rail away. Emails turned to talking, to texts, to phone calls. There was a connection. We met in person and determined we could give it a go. We didn’t truly discuss what would have to be done, and that was a mistake. We only lasted a year the very first time. The distance was too much and too expensive to maintain. About a year and a half later we attempted it again. This time we were more conscious of what’s involved. There is a entire lot of insecurity that arises in long-distance relationships. Staying consistent helps — set phone call or FaceTime times. Have dates over the phone, watching the same movie together. See each other as often as you can. Texts via the day just to stay connected help. We now play words with friends together, and it just keeps us connected and lets each other know we are there. Surprising each other with a card or something in the mail or flowers at work is a superb way to keep the romance."

Two. Can Your Relationship Treat Long-Distance?

long-distance relationships have a shelf life, and the key factor that makes this type of arrangement work is having an end objective or date in mind when it will be possible for the two of you to be in the same place together — whether that means one of you eventually leaves the company you’re at after a period of time to look for work in the place you’re relocating to, one of you finishes school, or whatever circumstance is the main disruptor that’s keeping either of you from moving in order to be together. "long-distance relationships were meant to be makeshift," says Darné. "The objective is to be with the person you love. Therefore, in order to maintain a long-distance relationship there has to be a ‘light at the end of the tunnel.’ In other words, there must be a date established for when someone will be relocating to have a shot at lasting together. Without a light at the end of the tunnel it’s only natural for couples to drift apart. It’s the counting down of the months, weeks and days until one is ultimately done with the inconvenience of being in a long-distance relationship that keeps it strong. If you begin an online dating relationship and know in your heart you will never relocate there is a good chance you’ve already determined the outcome of the relationship — especially if she or he has solidly established themselves as well."

Darné says to make sure that the motivation behind agreeing to get involved in a long-distance relationship are because you’re sure this person is — or could be — the person you end up with. "The only superb reason for being in a long-distance relationship is because you believe he or she is ‘the one’ and vice versa," he says. "If you’re just simply ‘dating someone’ you might as well do that locally."

According to Grant Langston, CEO of eHarmony, another factor that has a tremendous influence on whether or not a relationship will be able to treat long distance is the maturity of both parties involved. "There is a certain amount of maturity that’s needed to even attempt a long-distance relationship," he says. "For example, high school sweethearts that go to different colleges and promise to keep the relationship going almost never keep that promise. The more mature you are, the more you can delay gratification and put in the maintenance you need to stay in touch over the months [when you don’t see each other]. You also have to be strong enough to stand against temptation, which is typically more difficult that people think, and have tremendous trust in your fucking partner. You’re going to have to believe whatever your fucking partner tells you about their habits and social life, and some people have a hard time doing that."

What Real Women Say: "In the beginning, the hardest part was just missing each other," says Helena, 31. "As time went on, what became hard for me was him making fresh friends and becoming a part of a fresh clique that I didn’t fairly fit into. I began to become jealous, snarky. That was fresh territory for me because I was always the ‘cool gf’. I was angry with myself and he became annoyed with me (understandably). That eventually led to several ‘cracks’ and eventually the final break up. If you’re going to attempt long distance, know that your relationship is going to switch. Hopefully you’ll be able to evolve together instead of letting the distance shove you apart. If things are serious and you see a future, make sure to keep the other person your priority. Introduce them to any fresh friends (because, inevitably there will be fresh friends), include them in any fresh routines, and visit as frequently as you can."

Three. How To Treat The Long-Distance Talk

Whether it’s accidental, spontaneous or planned, approaching the conversation about committing to a long-distance relationship with your fucking partner requires a hard talk where you lay everything out on the table. "You should always treatment a long-distance relationship with the end in mind and concrete steps to reach your purpose of being together," says certified counselor Jonathan Bennett. "The best practice is to simply be fair and straightforward. Some people won’t be able to treat a long-distance relationship, and they deserve to know quickly and bluntly so they can plan for the future. If they are content with long distance love, then they still need to organize practical matters like how often they plan to visit, how to keep connected, dividing up collective assets, and so on."

Matchmaker Susan Trombetti says that this also requires embracing the possibility that the feelings won’t be mutual in your desire to proceed the relationship over long distance. "You need to take a hard look at your relationship, your needs, where the relationship is going, and have a big talk," she says. "Be fair. No hard feelings if this isn’t for the other person. You are sparing yourself the hurt and agony, so don’t attempt to talk someone into having a long-distance relationship if it isn’t in the cards for you. There are emotions which are hard to put aside to think what is best. Sure, you will miss each other if it doesn’t work, but you will hate each other if one winds up cheating."

"It’s going to be hard and awkward," says Langston, "just understand that. There is no choice other than sitting together and telling, ‘I’ve gotten a fresh suggest and I’m going to budge.’ Then the other person will say, ‘What about us?’ You can say, ‘It’s for six months and I love you. Let’s make it work.’ Then it will be about planning the logistics." However, if you’re not interested in doing long distance, Langston says you need to be upfront. "You can say, ‘Well, I’m going to be gone for two years and I don’t think LDRs work very well over that time span. I think we need to stop observing each other.’ If you attempt and wimp out with, ‘I don’t want to keep you from being with a excellent person,’ or ‘You deserve someone in town,’ they are just going to say, ‘No, let’s make it work!’ Just take charge. Be direct."

What Real Women Say: "I honestly can’t reminisce exactly how the conversation went when I chose my college," says Elyse, 31. "I think I do recall my awkward, insecure, teenage self asking him if he would stay with me if I went away in our very first conversation about my college choice. I also reminisce that, at the time, his reaction was not instant, or definitive. I know I was hurt by that at the time, but I think, looking back it was fairly mature of him not to lie to me. He had to think about it and determine whether or not he was willing to make that commitment. By the time I was actually leaving, several months later, it wasn’t even a question. We were both all in. We talked about it and voiced to each other that we were both willing to do whatever it took to make it work. We actually even sought outside counseling to prepare us for this big switch."

Four. What To Do To Make Long-Distance Manageable

"When attempting a long-distance relationship, the most significant thing is to attempt to make the relationship as ‘normal’ as possible," says Bennett. "This means attempting to share special moments, like holidays, birthdays, and the general daily joys and sorrows that couples who are together in person take for granted. Fortunately, technology makes sharing life moments lighter than ever. Skype, FaceTime, and even various social media apps are a enormous help. However, it still takes effort since the distance can make feeling truly included in another person’s life difficult."

April Davis, relationship experienced and founder of LUMA Luxury Matchmaking says working with your playmate to set expectations can also help set couples up for success in a long-distance relationship. "Very first and foremost, you and your playmate need to set some guidelines," she says. "What is acceptable, what isn’t. long-distance relationships fail because of a lack of trust and invasion of space (even if it’s just virtual space). You don’t need to be in constant communication, keep some of the mystery alive! For these guidelines, let each other know when is and when is not a good time to talk. Keep it joy and interesting, use the space to your advantage to miss and want each other that much more."

Despite the challenges, keeping things joy and light will make it feel less tense. "One thing I advise is to always keep the relationship romantic and playful," Bennett says. "This means not just sticking to facts and intellectual conversations, but being flirty, joy, and even a little wild. This keeps the romantic spark alive and makes a naturally stressfull relationship more joy."

As for how to get your sexual needs met in a long-distance relationship, Bennett recommends attempting your mitt at sexting. "In a long-distance relationship, regular sexual intimity is obviously difficult. Those uncommon moments of physical contact are utterly essential for physical and sexual bonding. Couples in a long-distance relationship must find a way to regularly express their sexiness with each other in a way that doesn’t involve physical contact. They can’t be afraid to embrace sexting and other ways of creating a virtual sexual connection."

When you’re dating someone who lives in the same place as you, your conversations have the luxury of time. Meaning, you can drift off on tangents, discuss the most latest series you’ve binged observed at length and take your significant other through what happened at each and every point of your day. But Dr. Jess O’Reilly, Astroglide’s resident sexologist says that conversations with your long distance playmate should be more targeted and meaningful in order to get both your needs met. "Don’t fall into the bad habit of making all of your phone calls about updates and agendas; you don’t need to pack your fucking partner in on every single detail of your day," she says. "Instead, talk about your most intense feelings, concerns, desires and celebrations. Take turns initiating calls/talks; one of you may have more time, but you should both make an effort to be the initiator."

What Real Women Say: "My spouse and I were actually long distance all through college and part of law school," says Julianna, 30. "There is no gadget that can help sustain a healthy, long-distance relationship other than constant communication, but the one thing that helped us specifically was that we scheduled time each week to have a ‘date’ on the phone, or Facetime. We usually ate dinner or lunch at the same time, creating an chance to pack that void of missing each other. Long distance isn’t for everyone and it isn’t something people just ‘set out’ to do, because it’s usually caused by something other than wanting to be apart."

Five. Products To Help You Connect

Keeping the spark alive in your relationship when you and your fucking partner are living in two separate places is essential to making it work. Fortunately, there are a few products on the market that can help you both feel more connected and make the miles seem less daunting. Here are a few products that go the distance.

Hook-up Fucktoys You Can Operate From Afar

When you’re in a long-distance relationship, most of your hookup life is going to involve solo play. But thanks to magic wands that permit you to control them from wherever you are, you can still get in on the joy of getting your lady off even if you aren’t there with her. "There are high tech vibes that can help with the distance," says Rodriguez. "Both Mystery Vibe’s Crescendo and We-Vibe’s four Plus permit one fucking partner to operate the vibe via smartphone app while the other likes it." What a time to be alive, am I right?

A Subscription Box For Couples

Nowadays, there’s a subscription box for just about anything you’re into — whether you’re a loyal dog dad, an aspiring sommelier, a self proclaimed connoisseur of cheese, you name it. Want a box that will benefit your long-distance relationship? There’s a subscription for that, too. "For when telegram sexting just doesn’t cut the mustard, we suggest alternatives for keeping it interesting from afar," says Polly Rodriguez, CEO of Unbound. "The Unbound quarterly subscription is fine for couples who want to encourage their S.O. to indulge in more solo play or simply get them excited about an upcoming visit."

An App For Sexy Time

This app acts as a screen time scheduler, voice recorder and movie memo facilitator all in one. Plus, it respects your privacy. "Send closeups that exclude your face using a secure app (like In The Mood)," says Dr. O’Reilly. The app has it’s own set of emoticons and stickers that help set the mood, and it helps make the exchange of sexy photos seamless by working with both your schedules to find a time where each of you will be uninterrupted and able to give each other your total attention.

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